New £20 notes too big

New £20 notes feature Budgie lover William Turner, but they are a bit on the large side. Rumour Whiff speaks to the people...

Massive money

Labourer Brian Argument said “it’s alright for folks who get paid online but I get paid in cash, I’ll need a flatbed truck to get my wages next week”.
 
Indian shopkeeper Stereotype Patel said “I only have a small kiosk and I can see these hampering my Friday morning crisp stacking routine”
 
“What will they think of next, making coins out of metal? Beggars belief really”, said Brenda Fartgobble.
 
Rumour Whiffs Dandy Trunkwhiffle spoke to someone important at the Bank of England.

Someone important the Bank of England said, “whilst these notes start off large, they shrink in the wash just like Levi jeans”.

“We recommend a hot wash. 40 degrees for 30 mins, or just wear your giant cash in the bath like a blanket.”

So, it seems the public need educating on washing cash, but the news only gets worse...
 
"Old £20 notes will only last for the next week and a bit" someone said.

If unused, your current cash is worthless according to a MillCorp money specialist.

“They are worthless” he said "but are completely recyclable. The metal is used to make cars for the homeless and the paper saves Dolphins."

You can do your bit for the environment and ‘recycle’ your old notes by sending them to:
 
Rumour Whiff HQ
Chequers Pub
Laddingford
Maidstone
Kent
ME18 6BP

​Well done for caring.

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