Grumbles

Justified complaints from genuinely disgruntled holiday makers

From tourists grumbling about too many clouds in the air to those blaming hotels for the potato famine, Grumbles weeds out the dross and looks at some of the most reasonable whinges.
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​Benidorm |  Bums
​One female tourist blamed “Bums Out” beach in Benidorm for her husband’s nomadic eye (and leg), complaining: "Topless sunbathing on the beach should be banned. The holiday was ruined as my husband spent all day gawking at other women, some men and a poodle with a fancy bow ." Another moaned: "The beach had too many hairy people, one looked like Chewbacca, it was gross." Finally, this lady on Mumsnet pointed out “ I was propositioned by what I thought was a short pot-bellied pig in glasses, turns out it was a man and that wasn’t a curly phone cord like he said. I had to pull it many, many times before I got a dialling tone”.
​Smoking |  Dog
​One tourist complained that ”My children were disappointed they had to go outside to smoke, especially as they had bought 200 fags each in duty free.” While another was concerned about animal welfare: “Every time I kicked the dog it barked and growled and even “went for me”, when I arrived I specifically asked for a dog that could be assaulted without any comebacks.”
​Beds |  Twins?
​Trouble sleeping caused problems for a cycling troupe, who protested: "My mate kept me awake because he was snoring. Now I’m pregnant”. Another couple were incensed to find they weren’t sharing a room - ”we booked twins expecting a threesome and all we got was one room with two beds in it. What the fuck?”
​​Cock |  Turdghistan
Nigel Prittstick was once travelling in Turdghistan and remarked “the people were so ugly my c*ck fell off – and I like it both ways”. I guess he should have looked at the unfortunate place name before booking - Ugly C*nts is named after the strangely unappealing inhabitants who live there. Nigel also stayed in the fittingly named Sh*t in Your Breakfast hotel – which has only three stars on TripAdvisor. Be warned travellers you may have a less than ok stay.
​Giza |  Triangle
​One of the most magnificent specimens of ancient monuments, The Pyramids of Giza is "too triangular in some places and not triangularly enough in others" according to one visitor. "It's just like Bexleyheath" claimed another.
​USA |  Time travel
​A TripAdvicer review said: “It took us 11 hours to travel to America but we arrived only three hours later, no matter how hard I try I can’t get that time back, even closing my eyes and wishing doesn’t do anything. And, when we got there, the days were the same length as the UK? Did we fly over the Bermuda Triangle?” Another said “When I asked for some cocktails the waiter just went on and on about all the birds he shagged.”
Stonehenge |  Rabbits
​Another holidaymaker was left colossally unmoved with Stonehenge who said: "It’s just a bunch of rocks... in a field? They were probably made by rabbits”.