Mr Blue? Winning the war on drugs cheats
Tour organisers are taking no more chances in their war on drugs cheats and have appointed some high profile boffins who are really clever to sort it out. Their progress makes compelling reading - RW digs deep...
Mr Blue | Sky?
Experts have realised that lessons learnt from peeing in pools could pave the way to root out drugs cheats. Professor Gary Strobe said, “We spoke to a swimming pool attendant and once we understood the science, we knew we were on to a winner”.
After a lot of research and testing Professor Strobe and his team came up with Mr Blue. He explains further; “Everyone knows that drug testing relies on cyclists doing wees and stuff so we combined it with the pool dye/wee thing and came up with Mr Blue”
“Mr Blue works in a similar way to the pool” continued Strobe. “We introduce a blue dye into each athlete’s blood stream using a sophisticated pump thing, if they subsequently turn blue, then it is a 100% positive confirmation that they have taken drugs in the past 2 weeks”.
However, professional teams have argued that during testing the drug was too sensitive and turned athletes blue after digesting almost anything. Ineos' Davey Brailsford said “It seemed to be working ok until Geraint Thomas turned blue after eating broccoli, a Drifter and three Bourbons, he shouldn’t be eating those anyway but broccoli?”. These issues aside, it seems that those at the top have decided that they will carry on with Mr Blue anyway. We asked how?
Strobe countered “Whilst we are ironing out these issues, we have put in place a contingency measure that guarantees that no-one can dope now or in the future”. “What we intend to do is use members of the blue man group who will shadow all competitors, all of the time” he said. He explained further “they will share the same meal, same bed (including lover), even go to the loo at the same time – it’s guaranteed 100% dope free”. "Their blueness is also a constant reminder of what can happen to them if they dope", Strobe added. “Additionally, they can help with the washing up and read them a story at night; it’s a win win situation”.
Since the new measures have been exhaustively tested, all tour teams have (sort of) signed up to the new “Mr Blue” rules and acknowledge it will stop sports cheats globally.
Here at RW, we can’t help but applaud the efforts of Mr Blue creators MillCorp.
Experts have realised that lessons learnt from peeing in pools could pave the way to root out drugs cheats. Professor Gary Strobe said, “We spoke to a swimming pool attendant and once we understood the science, we knew we were on to a winner”.
After a lot of research and testing Professor Strobe and his team came up with Mr Blue. He explains further; “Everyone knows that drug testing relies on cyclists doing wees and stuff so we combined it with the pool dye/wee thing and came up with Mr Blue”
“Mr Blue works in a similar way to the pool” continued Strobe. “We introduce a blue dye into each athlete’s blood stream using a sophisticated pump thing, if they subsequently turn blue, then it is a 100% positive confirmation that they have taken drugs in the past 2 weeks”.
However, professional teams have argued that during testing the drug was too sensitive and turned athletes blue after digesting almost anything. Ineos' Davey Brailsford said “It seemed to be working ok until Geraint Thomas turned blue after eating broccoli, a Drifter and three Bourbons, he shouldn’t be eating those anyway but broccoli?”. These issues aside, it seems that those at the top have decided that they will carry on with Mr Blue anyway. We asked how?
Strobe countered “Whilst we are ironing out these issues, we have put in place a contingency measure that guarantees that no-one can dope now or in the future”. “What we intend to do is use members of the blue man group who will shadow all competitors, all of the time” he said. He explained further “they will share the same meal, same bed (including lover), even go to the loo at the same time – it’s guaranteed 100% dope free”. "Their blueness is also a constant reminder of what can happen to them if they dope", Strobe added. “Additionally, they can help with the washing up and read them a story at night; it’s a win win situation”.
Since the new measures have been exhaustively tested, all tour teams have (sort of) signed up to the new “Mr Blue” rules and acknowledge it will stop sports cheats globally.
Here at RW, we can’t help but applaud the efforts of Mr Blue creators MillCorp.